Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
try to milk me bitch
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