watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
