Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
