consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
