batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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