I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
