My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
