the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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