I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize