Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
