I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
