"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
