maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He shit in the fireplace
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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