You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
