Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His hands were made for my vagina.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
