Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
