you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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