We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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