Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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