i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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