HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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