I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
