She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
