In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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