So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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