i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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