I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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