Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
