Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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