Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
