I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
