I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
