Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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