you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
