He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
