Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I party with great urgency now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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