Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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