i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
