I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
