i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
