You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
