every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
