We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
