Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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