We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
