i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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