First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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