i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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