I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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