it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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