It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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