I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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