do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
