Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
