My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
