We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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