I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
