My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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