is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
