This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
