I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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