i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
