My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
