I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
